Tell your story…


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Girl in the mirror


Part of my new poem.

Trying to discover who I am, who have I become, who is that person I see looking back at me, is she happy, is she sad, what is her story?

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It’s been a long time…


Hey guys, it’s late at night and I should be sleeping, as this thing called work has to be attended tomorrow plus mum duties.

But I just wanted to check in and say that I’m still here plodding on and doing life stuff. I haven’t had much time lately to post any Instagram stuff or even blog some poems or anything, however yesterday I managed to write three poems  all mental health related, and it is unreal that when you don’t think about what you want to write about and just write what you feel how easily everything seems to flow on paper.

For me it’s like I zone out and it’s someone else writing, then when I read it back I’m still amazed that it took only minutes to write, more often than not I find it hard to keep up with myself when I write. The words just literally jump out dying to be written on to paper, faster than my hand can write.

anyone else find this the case?

So hope all you guys are good and hopefully I can find some time to blog again.

💕

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Looking for Courage


Ok guys it’s been a while but I’ve been pondering over this decision for weeks and I’m honestly confused as to what is the best thing to do? That and I think I need some serious courage.

As most will know my poems are based on my experiences on life and with my dealings with mental health. Well with that I wrote a short book containing my poems and sent them off to several publishers (never imagining for a second they would get in touch). Anyway some have got back and think highly of it! Now the cost of self publishing is an issue as you need proofreading and editing and formatting and of course the printing, or you can go with a publication house which some will offer to pay for all of the publishing or you pay a contribution towards having the book published.

Now here are my dilemmas, one I need to raise funds – so I set up Go Fund Me (cringe face) after debating for weeks whether to or not! As I’m not sure if funding for a book to be published is accepted, but turns out others have done it and some have been successful and others not. So I set one up!

Secondly I am shit scared of actually thinking that all my family and friends will see this Go fund me page and bombard me with questions to which I’m not keen on. I feel like I might be judged in some way about my poems. When they read my book will they get it or not get it. So with that I’ve not actually shared it on my Facebook to avoid the questioning. Which is ironic because I keep telling myself and others not to care what others think but here  I am still debating which road to go down?

So do I brave it and post on Facebook to aid my chances of raising the funds? Or forget all hope in having it published.

Personally for me it’s about having something that I’ve achieved that can be used to inspire my children and others to work towards something and keep going.

So what do you guys think? Facebook or not? And would you object if I was put my link here to possibly help share my story?

 

Here is my link to my Instagram and my link for the Go Fund Me page is in my BIO.

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gofundme.com/to-help-raise-funds-to-publish-a-book

 

 

 

It’s so easy to give up…but don’t!


Over the last month I feel like I’ve been pulled from all directions, beaten over the head with a shovel, had my insides ripped out and the just wanted the whole world to open up and swallow me.!

It started with having to have an operation which was fine, as it was a  chance to recharge my batteries at home, do some blogging and read some books. Still waiting for publishers to get back to me and hope that they would offer me a deal to publish my book. Trying to keep positive, keep my hopes high and not give up (as many times I would question what the hell I am doing, who I am kidding?). I kept my self busy and spent time going out to find inspiration.

It all stated with one bad news nothing major but let’s say financially it wasn’t good! I have spent weeks thinking how we are going to get through and since that moment things just seemed to wanted to add fuel to the fire…we had vets bills, appointments cancelled and re arranged- which left me in the dark as to how long we still need to be in this situation? I returned back to work more stressed than before I left, I was just looking forward to having a few weeks holiday from work…and hopefully receive some good news.

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Well two days in I developed a chest infection, I was ran down trying to organise a kids party, and think of cheap days out to stop the family from going insane. Trying not to stress out about work as I couldn’t be there to help with what had to be done I had that on my mind, the situation from when I was off ill still at large and generally just starting to feel like everything was piling back on top of me and I just couldn’t see a way out. Sleepless nights, staying up late thinking of solutions, feeling guilty that I was ruining my families lives, where they better off if I left? I could feel myself just wanting to drink wine every night to try and forget all the problems, but past experience has taught me that there is no solutions at the bottom of an empty bottle-just regrets and more heartache (and a hangover). So I sustained and tried to remain focus and keep going. Don’t get me wrong, I am exhausted and tired with it all and there days I just want lie in bed and be left (anyone with kids know that’s not an option!).

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My Parents have helped out which I am truly grateful but I fill with guilt that they have helped me…and as much as they say it’s fine, it still doesn’t make it easier.

I’ve questioned everything that I’ve done and was it wasted? but! I had the news that I have been waiting for and it has just kicked my motivation and determination back in to over drive. Looking back I can now see everything that I have done has all been connected and linked together. It as established that there is good in what I do and others have seen the potential. So just as I was going to chuck it all away (like I always do) something has paid off and it tells me to keep going.

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Next time someone say’s “Don’t Give up and be patience” then listen. I am the least patient person on this earth and I hate not knowing or waiting, but if anything I am learning that good does come to those that wait and give it a chance. Not everything is all fixed but this could be the start of something that could be answer I am looking for.

 

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Go Explore…


So a while a go I recently had an operation that required me to have three weeks off work. Although I should have been resting – which I did after the first week and took it easy (as sometimes I did questioned as to why I was not at home in my p’j’s watching day time t.v and resting?) The answer was I didn’t want to waste my time watching mind numbing programmes that add no value to my life. Don’t get me wrong I do watch t.v but not day time t.v. I probably only watch one or two programmes a night. Otherwise I’ve started to release that in order to achieve my goals and better my life I need to get off the couch and make changes.

I wanted to make the most of my time off exploring and visiting as many places as I could.

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Photo by L.d.Wolfy

Visiting places that are filled with history and the grandness of the buildings just fill me with inspirations. They inspire me to better myself and allow to be open to change in the hope that I can achieve my goals and also become an improved me that is more relaxed, easy going, and be more confident.  They give me photos that I can use to create positive, inspiring, and motivational quotes to share with my followers on Instagram. Plus I just enjoy the tranquility of all these places. Maybe I’m just getting old and my partying days are over, sometimes I wish I’d worked my arse off when I was younger and now I could be partying in a different way.

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photo by L.d.Wolfy

Being outdoors gets me a way from reality, it makes me forget about the housework that needs to be done, the washing piling up in the basket, the jobs that need to be done. All the everyday life chores that just seem to bog you down, they become priority after your job, they get in the way of spending time with family or even time out with yourself. Yes I know that they are needing to be done, but there comes a time where the sun is shining and it’s a perfect opportunity to get out, go explore and even meet people, strike up a conversations that just might open up new opportunities.

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photo by L.D.Wolfy

 

I literally have a small amount of a time left of this summer to get out and make more opportunities, there is so many places to visit and unfortunately the English weather doesn’t play ball, so it’s a case of making the most of it when the sun is out.

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